Do you love yourself?

Shruti Koundinya

With Valentine’s season coming to a close, the past few weeks were swarmed with the concept of ‘Love’. Not only on our feeds, but in our conversations and minds. We witnessed multiple people expressing their love for their significant others, family, friends, pets and of course, food.

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We saw many different takes on the topic itself. How it’s the only goal in life, how it’s something to aspire for, or how it’s merely a chemical reaction in our brains.

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People in relationships were seen doting on their partners while others doted on their friends and loved ones.

But this got me thinking, how often do we dote on ourselves?

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The concept of self-love often triggers mainstream imagery of reading self-help books, being a regular at the gym or smiling at the breeze rustling in the trees. But what does it truly mean to love ourselves? And do we do it right?

To silence my curiosity, this time I chose to turn to my friends instead of google. Mainly to avoid the same mainstream imagery and lists of how to start loving yourself. But, what I discovered was sadly not surprising at all.

“What are some things you would change about yourself?”:

-“I think I’m too optimistic and I want to be more realistic. I also wish I was more adventurous and outgoing. I want to be more vocal and assertive. And I want to have a snatched waist.”

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“Okay, what do you love about yourself?”:

-“Dude, chill.”

Most of my conversations kind of went the same way.

Why is it that it is so easy for us to point out the negatives within us and think of all the things we want to change about ourselves? And why is it so difficult to think of just one thing, that we truly, undoubtedly and unconditionally love about ourselves?

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I decided to look inwards to, hopefully, find a few answers; and I realised, I don’t know what I love about myself either.

I mean, I do love myself, but why? What about myself do I love so much? Do I even really love myself, or do I just think I do because I’m supposed to? And if I do, do I show it?
 

The thing about love is, it’s not something that just happens. Not in our relationships, not in our friendships and certainly not with ourselves.

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Yet, somehow, it’s just an unsaid belief that our love for ourselves exists and we don’t have to do anything about it.

We talk about working on our relationships, seeing and accepting people for who they are, communicating efficiently and being forgiving and understanding when mistakes are made. After all, love is something to be worked on. But, how often is it that we show this kind of patience and love for ourselves?

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This is when I realised that loving yourself is a handful. But it is the most important thing you will ever do.

And to do it right, we need to not only learn, but also unlearn a lot of our behaviour that we brush off as “not that deep”. The truth is, it’s toxic. And the worst kind of toxic relationship you can be in is the one with yourself.

So, we need to unlearn negative self-talk. We need to unlearn making fun of our own insecurities guised as self-depreciative humour. We need to stop making back handed comments about our bodies and minds that we know would hurt us if anyone else were to say them. And most of all we need to unlearn treating ourselves in ways we would never treat the people we love.

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Making promises to yourself and not keeping them, settling for less than you deserve, disrespecting your own boundaries, skipping breakfast. These are red flags we would not tolerate at all if we saw them happen to someone we loved. But, aren’t you someone you love?

So, I decided it was time to take the plunge and commit. To start learning to love the right way. To learn how to respect myself and forgive myself. To not be so hard on myself. To notice the small things about myself that make me unique. And to watch the way I speak about myself.

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We’ve all heard the phrase, “Treat others the way you want to be treated.” But I think it’s time now to treat ourselves the way we want to be treated.

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So let me give this a go.

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What do I love about myself?

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I love that I’m confident and that I speak my mind. I love that I’m reserved but not shy. I love that I try my best at things without being attached to the result. I love that I constantly work on improving myself. I love that I’m funny and sarcastic. And I love my body for having a very high spice tolerance.

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Now, your turn.

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